This. THIS is the movie that finally makes me say it’s time for the raunch-com to die. Even Warner Bros. knew they had an inconsequential stinker on their hands, opting not to screen it for media in advance. The House is empty of meaning, cozy with vulgarity, and with a distinct lack of storage space for humor. 0.5 out of 5.
 

Synopsis

The Johansens (Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler) are a somewhat treadworn modern couple who probably direct more attention and affection upon their only child, 18-year-old daughter Alex (Ryan Simpkins), than is healthy for either parents or offspring. When Alex is accepted to Bucknell University, Scott and Kate think they’ll just barely be able to afford the high cost of tuition because their small-town community has a scholarship set aside for Alex. Things change during a town hall meeting when the council and townsfolk would rather approve a new amusement-park-sized swimming park with five pools and a food court. After looking into all (by which I mean a few) legitimate (by which I mean quick-and-dirty) ways of affording college, the Johansens agree that they can not tell their daughter the truth; they must instead team up with their depressed and separated friend and neighbor Frank (Jason Mantzoukas) to run an illegal casino out of Frank’s house. Hilarity ensues? Not so much.
 

What Works?

Once upon a time, I reviewed a Hallmark movie about kids at space camp starring a younger Ryan Simpkins called Space Warriors. The camera loves this young lady, who has kind of a calm Zooey Deschanel thing going on. Every time Simpkins is on screen in The House, she’s the best part of the proceedings, and that’s saying a lot given the cachet of her costars (come on, Amy Poehler, you’re Leslie Knope and the voice of Joy in Inside Out; you’re better than this!). Only problem is, that corny TV movie from 2013 was a better film. Here is the unabridged list of things that produced any measurable amount of laughter in this “comedy” – a severed finger spurting blood all over Ferrell, plot points so absurd one couldn’t help but laugh in disbelief, and some quick outtakes at the end.
 

What Doesn’t?

The script is poor enough, but what’s worse is the ad libbing, often a big part of especially Ferrell’s repertoire. In The House, however, you can actually see the actors getting stuck trying to say something funny, and when they get stuck, what do they run home to? Some of the roughest language imaginable. There is also a disconcerting lesson for this day and age about the necessity of paying exorbitant amounts of money for a college education, and The House shamelessly preys in one scene upon parental fears: either your student gets an expensive college education and rules the business world… OR they don’t go to college at all and end up on drugs, prostituting themselves, or dead. In actuality, there is something of a societal shift underway now, rightly questioning the advantage of the 4-year traditional on-campus education and its cost, and this movie had such an opportunity lost to show Alex and her parents seeking out less expensive, alternative forms of learning and experience. And Jeremy Renner? Completely wasted here.
 

Christian Worldview Elements / Spiritual Themes

Sometimes we can find silver linings in even the crudest of films, but this one had an overly unrealistic plot, horrendous decisions made by parents in the name of love, and a throwaway takeaway about married couples going through a lot of crazy stuff only to realize they’re each other’s best friends. One other couple reconciles instead of getting divorced, but it’s really only because the wife saw what the husband could do when motivated to clean himself up and stop gambling… by getting all his friends and neighbors addicted and indebted instead.
 

CAUTIONS (may contain spoilers)


The Bottom Line

RECOMMENDED FOR: Folks, this one’s a loser. It’s one thing when a talented cast just doesn’t deliver, or when a raunch-com offers some kind of lesson or at least a night of big belly laughs. The House had none of that. The most amusing parts involved horrific spurts of blood. Even those seeking nothing but fun aren’t likely to find much here.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: The most disappointed ticket buyers will be fans of Ferrell (Stranger Than Fiction), Poehler (Parks and Recreation) and Mantzoukas (The League), who offer nothing to compare to the works we love them for. And of course, if you like movies with either morals or a moral, just stay far, far away from The House.

The House, directed by Andrew Jay Cohen, opens in theaters June 30, 2017. It runs 88 minutes and stars Will Ferrell, Amy Poehler, Jason Mantzoukas, Jeremy Renner, Nick Kroll, Allison Tolman, Michaela Watkins, Ryan Simpkins and Cedric Yarbrough. Watch the trailer for The House here.
 

Shawn McEvoy is the Managing Editor for Crosswalk.com and the co-host of ChristianMovieReviews.com & CrosswalkMovies.com’s Video Movie Reviews.

Publication date: June 29, 2017

Image courtesy: ©NewLine-WarnerBros.

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